that I would not know where to drop the knife of separation."
-Mary Oliver
Moving out of the house and the life I built was not quite the celebration I thought it would be. With every box that I placed in the Uhaul, I could feel the tears building up until they were choking me.
I agonized while packing those boxes. After twelve years together, who knows what is whose anymore? Is this CD his? Did my mom give this to us? Does he have a sentimental attachment to this painting? After a while, it just all becomes yours...together.
After we filled the truck and pulled the noisy door down and latched it shut, I hugged him goodbye and sobbed as I drove the truck 75 miles to my new home.
Later, I sent him a text:
You will always be my family. I love you.
Oh Honey! I'm sorry that it hurts like this. It's supposed to, I think. You care about this man, regardless of how your relationship has turned out. And you've created a life that is now coming apart. Anyone who says that it should or will be easy is either delusional, selfish or not empathetic at all.
ReplyDeleteThere will be many more days where it's hard and where you'll cry - believe me. But it gets easier with time. And being able to communicate your feelings to him is a blessing.
I'm going thru the same (even after 2 yrs of separation) so if you need to talk, I'm here. Sending good vibes your way...
That last sentence did me in. :( I'm sorry that it hurts so much. I'm feeling some of that, obviously not to the same degree because I haven't gone yet.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, Sassy.
I feel it's not appropriate to point out U-haul cliches at this juncture, so I'll resist the urge.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.