December 17, 2010

Beating around the bush...

Sometimes this whole lesbian thing is confusing and exhausting. And complicated.

Did you know that there are categories, not only of types of lesbians (butch, boi, femme, soft butch, high nauseum), but categories of sexual roles and behavior?  Sigh.  I have so much to fucking learn.

You have what they call a top (the sexual initiator), a bottom (, receiver), a femme top, bossy bottom (very directive!), stone butch.

Ladies, heterosexuals do not do this.  We try so hard to break free from the tradional roles and labels, why would we create new ones? 

And why are we hostile towards others who don't fit into our particular category? 

I was recently in a lesbian bar in Seattle shaking my groove thing on the dance floor, and a fellow gay woman walked up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and leaned to say something in my ear.  I thought she was being flirty and flashed her my best smile as I tried to smell her.  (I am obsessed with smelling women, have I mentioned this before?  I want to put my face right in the space between her neck and her shoulder and see what she smells like.  I fantasize about this.) 

Anyway, this lady leaned in and said, "I didn't think purses were allowed in here."

Not flirty.  She was just being bitchy.  And telling me that I didn't "belong" there because I don't look gay. 

I wish I could say that I responded with a witty and biting remark.  Something like, "Well, I have to carry a else can I travel with my strap-on?" 

But honestly, I was too stunned to even reply. Who the hell did she think she was?

What pissed me off the most is that if I was at that bar with my girlfriend (who's obviously gay), that chick would have never said that to me because I would have been recognized as one of the "family."  Plus my girlfriend could kick her ass.  Heh.

As for sex, I like to say I am ambisextrous: top, bottom, sideways, upsidedown, backwards, I like it all. 

Why the hell would I limit myself?


  1. I love true in so many ways!!! Oh and I totally agree on the smell of women, my favorite part too:)

  2. Sigh, labels are a part of human nature, I'm afraid. I think we must have a biological need to organize and categorize things. The purse as "strap-on" carrying container though, now that is sheer genius.

  3. Who does that?! Why on earth she thought that making a comment like that would make your - or anyone's - life better? Annoying..

  4. I don't know why she would make a comment like that, either. What business is it of hers.
    I would have told her that I don't like to carry my Glock when I am dancing, so I leave it in my purse.

  5. WTH???

    One reason I LOVE my group of outdoorsy lesbian friends in Vermont is that we can talk about things beyond categories. I felt like they got it when I said I like to wear skirts, but only with boy's underwear underneath :P One of my friends has a semi-ironic "butch scale," 1-10, butch-femme. It's more funny than anything, but still.

  6. Some of my funnest nights have been spent explaining the eccentricities of the lesbo labeling system to my non-homo friends.

  7. Love this post!!! I hate that there is judgement and labeling within a disenfranchised group!! Hello ironic bigotry! I also "don't look gay" (whatever the hell that means) and am alway floored when I get judgement from within the lesbian world, like I have to give them a blood sample or something to prove it...

  8. Mmmm.... Indeed. Why limit yourself? Or those around you? LOVE IT!
    Oh, and that's exactly how my strap on travels... in my coach purse, bitches!