October 1, 2010

Signs that I was gay...before I even knew

I'm finding it humorous that now that I've come out, I've discovered many signs that should have clued me in to my gayness SO much earlier.

Here's my list:
  • I always brought up the gay topic to gauge someone's reaction. For example, I would mention at a large family dinner that I went to a gay bar and got hit on by other women. (True, by the way.) But I would bring up the subject specifically to see if they were gay-friendly or not.

  • I used to go to gay bars alone. (Um, hello? What straight, married, soccer mom does this?!)
  • I have a painting of a naked woman sitting on the edge of a bathtub...I always thought it was so beautiful: her long hair, the curve of her back.  

  • One of my favorite things in my house is my statue of Artemis, Greek goddess of the hunt...my new friends tell me this is SO gay.

  • I had a huge crush on my college math teacher.  She was also the coach of the girl's volleyball team.  Straight, but very butch.  I used to hang around after class and offer to carry things back to her office with her.

  • I love all the typical lesbian music: Indigo Girls, k.d. lang, etc. But I was so obsessed with Melissa Etheridge that a few years ago, my mother asked me if I was gay.  Of course, I quickly said no.

  • I always avoided touching other women. 

Since I've come out, no one has been shocked when I tell them I'm gay.  I suppose if they knew me well, they knew that I always liked girls.  But if it was so bloody obvious, why didn't they tell me?

What about you? What were the signs you were gay before you knew??


  1. I loved this idea and created a blog entry (scheduled for Oct. 4th) of my own "signs" with a link to this entry. Thanks for sharing, I loved it!

  2. Oh my God, I have so many of those! For one thing, I kept falling in love with women –but would overlook it and keep wondering why I couldn't bring myself to love my boyfriend *that way*. I like nothing more than a glass of beer. I wear a lot of crocs. I have A LOT of female singers on my iPod. I could never understand how my female friends could feel so comfortable undressing in front of each other. I once cried of despair and frustration after seeing a lesbian couple on the subway. I'm getting a degree in Women's Studies.

  3. ha ha ogosh... let's see... i miss took butterflies in my stomach for gas, i overlooked the fact that i never liked a man because "the right one will come along..." ha! never touched women... oh and the kicker... i never once hung out with gay people because i was afraid it would pass on to me... i like that one the best...

    but alas i haven't told too many people and i'm stuck still debating... although i know i am gay...

  4. I never even looked at boys until my mother asked me when I was going to go out on a date with a boy...I was eighteen. I should of known because then I kept asking myself, "is this it?" Never any fireworks, never any connection. I just didn't understand what all the hoopla around boys was all about. I ONLY listened to women singers, and I always had crushes on my girlfriends...took me until I was thirty to figure it out.

  5. I remember having crushes on Linda Evans on the Big Valley, Diana Rigg on the Avengers and Eliazbeth Montgomery on Bewitched. Later on, I realized that boys didn't do anything to get my hormones rushing.
    STUPIDLY, I let myself get pushed into marriage at 19. (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit)
    That lasted 14 years. Mostly because I was married to an Air Force officer that was on overseas tours for 8 of the 14 years. I rarely saw him. It was easier to stay married. He knew about my attraction to women.

  6. Signs I knew I was gay? Hmmm... how about the blazers and penny loafers I wore to school everyday in elementary school? Or... the fact that I punched Robby Curtis and gave him a bloody nose on the playground in 1st grade for being mean to my 'girlfriend"?! One would think those things would tip you off, but of course not.
    I tried for 'normal'. Pretended to be over the moon over stupid little boys & New Kids on the Block - when all I could really think about were my gym teacher Miss Eisenhauer and my friend Andi (short for Andrea) Chase. I didn't know why they were in my thoughts obsessively, but they were. Still I continued to date boys and be a girly girl (which I still I am because that's just who I am).
    Drama was my outlet. Not being on stage, of course. But backstage. I was all in to stage managing. Isn't that like a giant sign of being a big ol dyke? Guess not for me.
    Oh, and I had my 'experiment' in college with a girl. AMAZZZZZZING. Just touching her (with our clothes on) was more erotic for me than being with a dude. Still, I did not get that meant I was a big, scary LESBIAN.
    It wasn't until much later that I actually stopped not accepting who I was long enough to realize that I am in fact gay.

    Totally diggin this blog... thanks for sharing.

  7. Woahhhhhhhhhh. I was SO running through MY same list of signs like, 2 nights ago. And wondering to myself...why didn't anyone TELL ME??? My music collection...I mean, at age 14 when your daughter is locked in her room listening to The Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan, Tracy Bonham, the Lilith Fair compilation, Shawn Colvin, Paula Cole, Liz Phair, L7, Melissa Etheridge, and Natalie Merchant (not all lesbians, I realize, but somehow many lesbians I meet NOW listen to the same stuff I have loved for YEARS...why IS THAT???), don't you wonder? 2 -- for 2 years, I shopped in the boys clothing department. Sure, THAT was just a phase, but my parents even considered calling me Chris instead of Christine. They thought they had a son. 3 -- I was a hardcore feminist, refused to shave my legs and to follow what men defined as a sexist definition of beauty (sure, not all lesbians are feminists, but my argument was why should I let a MAN tell ME how to be pretty???) 4 -- My "patron goddess" when I started following paganism was Artemis....hmmmmm. I could probably think of a bunch more. It's just great to know that I'm NOT the only one! Great post!!!

  8. Oh god i just stumbled upon your blog -and this entry. Call it serendipity... I still don't know why i was so scared of jumping off my straight cliff. I have the most adorably gay-friendly family, and when i told them (i guess i really wasn't scared of them, of the others, as i told AAAALL of them, grand-parents included, the second my girl-superfriend became my first girlfriend) they all (grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles and brothers and everyone!) said things like "So glad you found love again! Mazeltov! Haha obviously, hope you're happy!" and so on... And it's not as if i didn't know. Really, it's a mistery i yet have to elude, 6 years later still... Thanks for your blog, i'm glad it does exist!

  9. Still married with young kiddos, but I have a list I am coming to terms with. 1.I had a gay aunt who used to take my sister and I camping through out the summer. We fit so perfectly in the gay-friendly campground. It was never a "fact" but it seemed so natural. 2. I would find lesbians bff' s to hang with and go to gay bars. They would always be my excuse to go. 3. I listened to the indie women music and was always about being free unless it came to myself. 4. I would never look at women because I was always afraid they'd catch me checking them out. An acquaintance of a friend caught me and called me out, asking my BFF if I was gay. She asked me.I guess i knew but couldn't bring myself to confess. 5. I kissed a girl and I liked it. 6.One of my ex boyfriends from high school came out after graduation. 7. I couldn't physically have sex with the first boy I said yes to. 8. I never had crushes on any male celebrities but I could give you a list of the ladies I adored. 9.I love my hubby as a friend but fantasize about women constantly now.
    Now if you are single and contemplating on coming out, do it now before you find yourself married with a list of what should have been "AHA" signs.

  10. If have to say that your comment
    "I always avoided touching other women"
    was a profound one.
    Yes, this is tremendously true for me. I never had a female friend and would avoid sleepovers because I would find myself attracted to them. This awoke suspicion from my parents and their friends. I prefered a good baseball game. What is worse still is when I finally found female friends they somehow suspected my sexuality - flirted with it (this cruel world) - and would leave me and gossip. Sadly, I have never had a friend in the female sex. But, the male sex has been my friend group. Nothing like a girl who can throw a hard right ball and play a game of Halo. This has consoled me. My male friends actually sympathize with my dilemma (over a beer ;) and we both decide women are the confusing sex. When I want to touch a woman I feel her right through me and this is my kyptonite.