November 29, 2011

We're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy

I frequently get emails from readers asking me for advice.  While I don't consider myself qualified to tell anyone to model their choices after my two year train-wreck, I thought I'd post some of the questions and answers here, just in case it may help someone else.

Dear Sassy: I left my husband for a woman and now she's driving me fucking crazy! She wants to know where I am all the time and feels threatened when I go out with my friends without her.  She wants to move in with me *rightthissecond* but hell, I just got out of a 15-year marriage to an abusive, controlling man. The last thing I want is that kind of commitment.

She also feels very insecure by my efforts to reach out to other lesbians. Is this normal? HELP ME!

- NotaUhauler

Dear NotaUhauler:

I think it's really typical for the "out" lesbian to be somewhat suspicious of the baby dyke's efforts in reaching out to the queer community.   Not healthy, in my opinion, but typical. I've found women to be so much more jealous and possessive than any man I've ever been with.

When we first come out, we're in a different place than the woman who's been out for a while.  Untangling from a marriage, shifting from straight to gay, raging's a friggin' vortex that is sometimes unbearable.  I don't envy the single lesbian who's standing by watching this and sometimes the object of our wrath and indecision.

But, I think what can actually help is explaining to her that you would feel this way no matter who you are in a relationship with. NOT ready for a U-haul situation, NOT ready for a GPS tracking device, NOT ready to share a home with someone else.

My friend Dani told me, "Men are easy. You feed 'em, you fuck 'em...they're happy." 

Women? Way more complicated.  They require reassurance and phone calls and goddamn processing. Get used to it, girl.

Email me your questions too!




  1. "Get used to it girl". I chuckled because you're absolutely right. It HAS to be easier to be straight not b/c of society, but because men are just easier to please! They're simpler creatures.

    So yeah - get used to it girl!

  2. Dani is spot on!! But i think it's also got a lot to do with the fact she's a baby dyke, its not all female vs male. They are obviously in different places at the moment, they need to connecting about something otherwise in typical lesbian fashion- it'll lead to a whole lot of drama!