I went to the Seattle Storm season opening game--5th row seats. (For those of you who don't know, this is women's basketball.)
This was my view:
It should have been called dyke-o-mania for the number of hot gay women there. Next time, I'm having business cards made up that say, "Hey gorgeous, call me" with my phone number and I'm going to hand them out as the ladies walk by.
Afterwards, there was a pilgrimage of women to a nearby bar.
I finally answered the eternal question:
where are all the hot chicks?
Unn-freakin-believable! I drank way too much beer. Rocked the house by singing, “You Shook Me All Night Long” karaoke. Got flashed some boobs, smoked a cigarette (I don't even smoke). Then we went dancing. I was drunk all day.
(As a healing mechanism, I highly recommend this course of action.)
Hello pot. Meet kettle.
In the selfishness of my own coming out/getting divorced journey, I never really, truly put myself in her shoes. I never realized how hard it must have been for her to be my girlfriend while I still live with my husband.
I never thought how difficult it must have been for her to say goodnight to me while knowing that I’m going back to my husband's house. We’re still functioning as a family, even as a married couple (minus the bad sex…ha!).
In my mind, it was like, what’s the big deal? We’re not sharing a room or a bed, we’re essentially just roommates. Our house is huge, big enough for us to share it. It’s better for the kids this way; we can’t afford two households. I was stubborn, making excuses, comfortable.
There were other problems with my ex-girlfriend and I, of course, but this period of no contact has allowed me to come to some realizations.
One, I can’t continue to straddle two worlds. It’s not fair to anyone, and most of all, not fair to myself. Half in, half out. Suburban wife and mom during the day, single chick at night (am I really even single? No.) Two, I can't possibly give myself fully to a relationship while my life is still intertwined with my husband's.
So...I’m moving out. Packing boxes and cleaning out closets today.
Looking at houses tomorrow night. Wish me luck?
Wow, shit yeah! Definitely good luck to you, that's great that you are taking that plunge.
ReplyDeleteThis post hits home for me. My girl made a post on my blog today that made me very sad. It's hard to remember sometimes that this sucks a whole lot for her, too. I've also decided I need to go. Sadly, I have invested so much in him that I am not able to leave yet financially, I don't even have a job. So, I'm on the hunt. Wish me luck, too. :)
And yay for drinking and hot chicks!! Gotta love those days! :)
I dunno Sassy,
ReplyDeleteIf moving feels right... go for it. But, I don't really think that what you were trying to accomplish in terms of continuity and stability for your kids necessarily represents a threat to any and all prospective lesbian love interests. I for one wouldn't have held that against you for a second; in fact I admire your intention, and it probably would've been a point to your credit. (You know, it would've been cool at least until 3 weeks later and it became time for the u-haul)
The REAL obstacle to your lesbian love-fest is that you are in desperate-housewife's-ville. So, prolly you should move. Plus, you'd be closer to coming out to hit the town with me.
Your partner in crime,
"Dani" ;)
Moving is a brave action. It's expensive and time consuming and exhausting But if it's what you need to feel good about your direction, by all means do so.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with Dani - I would think that a confident potential partner could only be impressed by your "non-selfish dip one toe in the pool" approach. You do what you need to for you and your kids.
Let's go back and explore the fact that you told us three very important facts about yourself. 1. you sing karakoke?! 2. you smoked a cigarette 3. you were drunk all day. AND YOU FOUND OUT WHERE THE HOT CHICKS WERE... in less than 24 hours? Let me be the first to commend you on all three! I do believe progress is being made. Kudos, pal. =)
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest of it... do what's best for you. The happier you are, the more happiness you can give back to your kids. I clearly don't have an opinion about this... yikes.
Good luck toots.
I leave town for a week and look what happens. :') Good for you! You are fabulous, and I wish you the best. BTW, you should totally come be my neighbor. Or hell, come stay with me while you're house hunting.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard splitting time with the kids, but moving out is a huge (and necessary) part of movin on. Sucks financially but has done wonders for rebuilding my friendship with my ex (not to mention my sex life).
Let me know when you need help moving stuff.
Love ya!
L.