Head vs. heart: who wins?

After I ended things with my crush, we didn't talk for a little bit.  We were, thankfully, on a break from school so we didn't have to see each other.

Still, I felt like I couldn't breathe.  I just wanted to make sure she was okay. 

A fight broke out between my head and my heart:

Head:    You put your foot down, now you need to stick to it.

Heart:    But I'm afraid I can't breathe without her.

Head:    Don't you even fucking think of picking up the phone.

Heart:    But today I cried in my Subway sandwich...this hurts too much.

In my previous relationships with men, and especially in my marriage, I could have walked away at any time. I made sure my husband knew this too.  I was stubborn and indignant, and I never said I was sorry for anything.  There's the door buddy, I would think.  I meant it.

But this "break" we were on turned me into a sobbing mess.  (As if I needed more proof that I am gay!)  What the hell was happening to me?  I spent the whole week worrying, thinking and being generally miserable at the thought that I asked her to leave my life.  I put up a wall but I didn't want it there.



Via girlsbravo
Les Femmes



I caved and sent her an email asking her if we could go out to dinner and talk.  My heart pounded until I received a reply.  It said:


"You are a forever girl, you are not a rebound girl."

My heart and my loins ached for her in a primal, visceral way.

We met for dinner the next night and as she held my face and kissed me, I whispered in her ear that I can't live without her.