The first cut is the deepest...

One night I was out walking my dog and I felt like I was going crazy, crying and walking.  I knew that I was gay, and my husband knew I was gay, but no one else knew.    Always a believer that secrets are like poison, I just knew I had to tell someone. Right then. Right that very second.


I called my friend who lives around the block, and asked her if I could come over to talk. When I got to her house, her husband took one look at the box of Kleenex in my hand and hightailed it right out of there.


She poured us each a glass of wine and asked me what was going on.  I blurted out, "We're getting divorced." She asked why and I said,




"Because I'm gay."




Silence.






Then she walked over to me, gave me the tightest hug and cried right along with me.

I live within shouting distance of my very closest friends. We have parties, spend holidays together and our kids are all friends.  Whether I need a cup of sugar or a bottle of tequila, my friends are there for me. 

My friend and I discussed which of our friends would be okay with me being gay, and which ones I should absolutely not tell.  One of my friends gives her son Playboys so he won't "turn out gay."  Yeah, probably shouldn't break the news to her.  But we agreed everyone else should be okay with it.  I mean, we're young, we're liberals and we live in Seattle, for God's sake.  They will all still love me anyway, right?

Except one:  my friend's husband Robbie is a midwestern, corn-fed, football loving conservative.  I had no idea how he would take the news.  My best guess was that he wouldn't speak to me and wouldn't allow our kids to play together anymore.

As I slowly began telling my friends that I am gay, I became more and more anxious about what Robbie would do.  The last thing I wanted was for my kids to suffer any negative consequences because of me.  I also wondered if my friends would begin to take sides, choosing between supporting my husband or me.  Word was spreading fast among my friends (no matter how much someone promises they won't tell, they always do...bitches!)

One night, there was a knock at the door.  It was Robbie.  He wrapped me up in a huge bear hug.  He told me that he would support me no matter what, and that they would always be my friends.

I sure hope he means it.