After I ended things with my crush, we didn't talk for a little bit. We were, thankfully, on a break from school so we didn't have to see each other.
Still, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
A fight broke out between my head and my heart:
Head: You put your foot down, now you need to stick to it.
Heart: But I'm afraid I can't breathe without her.
Head: Don't you even fucking think of picking up the phone.
Heart: But today I cried in my Subway sandwich...this hurts too much.
In my previous relationships with men, and especially in my marriage, I could have walked away at any time. I made sure my husband knew this too. I was stubborn and indignant, and I never said I was sorry for anything. There's the door buddy, I would think. I meant it.
But this "break" we were on turned me into a sobbing mess. (As if I needed more proof that I am gay!) What the hell was happening to me? I spent the whole week worrying, thinking and being generally miserable at the thought that I asked her to leave my life. I put up a wall but I didn't want it there.
I caved and sent her an email asking her if we could go out to dinner and talk. My heart pounded until I received a reply. It said:
"You are a forever girl, you are not a rebound girl."
My heart and my loins ached for her in a primal, visceral way.
We met for dinner the next night and as she held my face and kissed me, I whispered in her ear that I can't live without her.
But this "break" we were on turned me into a sobbing mess. (As if I needed more proof that I am gay!) What the hell was happening to me? I spent the whole week worrying, thinking and being generally miserable at the thought that I asked her to leave my life. I put up a wall but I didn't want it there.
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Via girlsbravo Les Femmes |
I caved and sent her an email asking her if we could go out to dinner and talk. My heart pounded until I received a reply. It said:
"You are a forever girl, you are not a rebound girl."
My heart and my loins ached for her in a primal, visceral way.
We met for dinner the next night and as she held my face and kissed me, I whispered in her ear that I can't live without her.
That was very nice. I truly hope that it works out for you. I have been with my partner for 15 years. I guess that I have forgotten about things like this. You writing is a nice reminder.
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